Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
