Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
