On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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