That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
