i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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