well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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