Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
