corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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