Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
