Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
