My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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