Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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