so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
