I just threw up on my dentist
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
