Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
