I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
