yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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