i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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