grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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