Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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