In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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