My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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