my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
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Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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