And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
