Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
