so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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