She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
