Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
