you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
