i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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