You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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