naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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