he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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