it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
