I wish life had little blips of pornography
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
