So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
