On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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