so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
