I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
