i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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