well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.