who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever