What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.