Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral

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(506): so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral http://tfl.nu/0vqu

Replies (16) Good night (6069) Bad night (1047)
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(941): View more from Florida

I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.

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(941): I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever. http://tfl.nu/ukm2

Replies (11) Good night (5146) Bad night (1120)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.

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(401): This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/lyuy

Replies (1) Good night (971) Bad night (3071)
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(530): View more from California

Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'

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(530): Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober' http://tfl.nu/1n5d

Replies (3) Good night (2920) Bad night (1095)
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(219): View more from Indiana

So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.

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(219): So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers. http://tfl.nu/p4nm

Replies (7) Good night (2533) Bad night (843)
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(386): View more from Florida

Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now

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(386): Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now http://tfl.nu/ahzl

Replies (1) Good night (1456) Bad night (1310)
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(571): View more from Virginia

It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack

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(571): It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack http://tfl.nu/ebu7

Replies (3) Good night (778) Bad night (2040)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.

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(732): Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish. http://tfl.nu/b0yx

Replies (7) Good night (729) Bad night (1402)
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(243): View more from

We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.

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(243): We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever. http://tfl.nu/yt9v

Replies (4) Good night (1543) Bad night (678)
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(512): View more from Texas

I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.

(1-512): View more from Texas

I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.

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(512): I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland. (1-512): I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies. http://tfl.nu/m9ig

Replies (5) Good night (1154) Bad night (470)
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(801): View more from Utah

I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.

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(801): I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck. http://tfl.nu/p42i

Replies (2) Good night (991) Bad night (399)
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(517): View more from Michigan

He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"

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(517): He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science" http://tfl.nu/nwfg

Replies (0) Good night (724) Bad night (367)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.

(336): View more from North Carolina

THAT'S MY GIRL

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(919): So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy. (336): THAT'S MY GIRL http://tfl.nu/glim

Replies (1) Good night (1117) Bad night (333)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!

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(417): I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS! http://tfl.nu/a1ne

Replies (3) Good night (406) Bad night (167)
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(705): View more from Ontario

The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.

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(705): The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for. http://tfl.nu/rc5u

Replies (0) Good night (464) Bad night (123)

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