Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

A better fuck for starters.

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(610): He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him? (484): A better fuck for starters. http://tfl.nu/qmis

Replies (34) Good night (804) Bad night (3289)
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(302): View more from Delaware

She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.

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(302): She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god. http://tfl.nu/566r

Replies (25) Good night (5058) Bad night (564)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?

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(778): Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird? http://tfl.nu/7neo

Replies (26) Good night (4161) Bad night (945)
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(410): View more from Maryland

These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.

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(410): These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow. http://tfl.nu/e5qu

Replies (32) Good night (7506) Bad night (874)
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(519): View more from Ontario

i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own

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(519): i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own http://tfl.nu/ot8v

Replies (27) Good night (8686) Bad night (1190)
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(970): View more from Colorado

do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?

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(970): do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom? http://tfl.nu/19xa

Replies (55) Good night (1169) Bad night (17289)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.

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(202): Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this. http://tfl.nu/0xw5

Replies (7) Good night (3134) Bad night (1188)
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(815): View more from Illinois

Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship

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(815): Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship http://tfl.nu/xkl4

Replies (5) Good night (2689) Bad night (1431)
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(916): View more from California

when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.

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(916): when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas. http://tfl.nu/o5tw

Replies (13) Good night (1120) Bad night (2980)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.

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(706): I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable. http://tfl.nu/ug12

Replies (3) Good night (1367) Bad night (820)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."

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(201): A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore." http://tfl.nu/zlen

Replies (22) Good night (3779) Bad night (1846)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME

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(908): Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME http://tfl.nu/m336

Replies (18) Good night (2597) Bad night (735)
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(734): View more from Michigan

It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back

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(734): It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back http://tfl.nu/xmyb

Replies (8) Good night (555) Bad night (1456)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.

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(+44): Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am. http://tfl.nu/fqfm

Replies (3) Good night (1077) Bad night (908)
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(904): View more from Florida

Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.

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(904): Im wearing a bra. Made of paint. http://tfl.nu/e0s1

Replies (6) Good night (949) Bad night (263)

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