I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.