threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
