that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
