Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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