the new term for farting is butt boxing.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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