I want to walk on stilts...naked
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
