That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
