Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
