Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
