I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
