I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
