i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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