That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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