he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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