Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
