Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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